


Heaven won't love me

by viciousmagpie



Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bipolar Jim, M/M, Mpreg
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-26
Updated: 2016-09-26
Packaged: 2018-08-17 12:23:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,037
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8143928
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/viciousmagpie/pseuds/viciousmagpie
Summary: A secret that never should've been revealed. A decision that will change lives. A look behind his curtain.  | Moriarty & Moran (MorMor) |





	

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Français available: [Le ciel ne m'aimera pas](https://archiveofourown.org/works/8597806) by [battleshipchains (viciousmagpie)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/viciousmagpie/pseuds/battleshipchains)



> I tried to resist so long, but after reading a really nice story I couldn't stop thinking about this. The idea of this one-shot's plot I got last night after many, many insomnious hours.
> 
> It'll be different from anything else I've ever written. If you don't like it, you shouldn't read it. This story will be a MPreg, so I hope you know what that means. I was inspired by the music of Schiller.
> 
> Love, love is a verb - love is a doing word.  
> Fearless on my breath.  
> Gentle impulsion shakes me, makes me lighter.
> 
> Teardrop on the fire, fearless on my breath.
> 
> Night, night after day, black flowers blossom.  
> Fearless on my breath.
> 
> Water, is my eye most faithful mirror.  
> Fearless on my breath.  
> Teardrop on the fire of a confession.
> 
> Massive Attack, Teardrop..

_Somewhere in Berlin._

"It can't be true. That's just impossible! Why is this happening to me ... after all these years? Is this a stupid punishment for anything I've done?!" James Moriarty stood in the front of the big mirror in his bedroom looking at himself. There was nothing odd at first sight, nothing anybody could notice when looking at him. But Jim was sure. He saw the little difference that could proof anything that he had read in black and white.

He needed certainty. There was something wrong with him, his body changed in the last months. Tilting his head the way he always used to he sighed and stroked his belly with one hand. No strange feeling. There was a small chance that he just imagine. Suddenly he got furious. Honestly, it was pretty odd it worked. It was just one night - and everything will change in the future. But why? All those years never happened anything, and he wasn't the chastest one.

"Everything's alright?" Sebastian stuck his head into the bedroom. In the first moment, the Consulting Criminal didn't even notice him. The sniper was surprised to find him standing in front of the mirror and absently looking at himself, one hand resting on his belly. 

When he came in, the smaller man noticed him. "Sebastian ..."

"What's wrong with you, Jim? You're so different to me, to anybody - since a few days. You went silent and hid in your office all day. You slept not in our bed. You didn't even allow me to touch you. So, what's up?" The criminal sighed loudly. His answers were always creative, he never had no alibi. But this time he wasn't able to find the right words. "Sebby, I think I need to confess a thing. It's important; I want you to know it. Although, well, I swore never to tell anyone about it again, no those who will remain alive after this. I believed it's impossible, just a natural error, by the information I knew"

The sniper frowned. He hated Jim being that secretive; the Irish man was always sure he would understand what he's talking about. This time was much more difficult than before; he didn't even understand one word of what Jim said. "What you're talking about?", he asked confused.

Jim's behaviour wasn't the only thing he was confused about - he was frightened, honestly. In fact, he knew Jim was only so silent and reclusive when he's going to explode and tried to kill him in the next moment. Sebastian got ready for the worst things to happen. And he was sure he made it much worse with his stupid questions.

But something was different today. "My father ... he hated me and abandoned me for a reason, Sebastian" the Consulting Criminal told and took the letter from the nightstand. "He was frightened. Of what I am" Sebastian raised an eyebrow. "You don't wanna tell me you were born as a psychopath, do you?!", he asked shocked before he could think about his words. _Yes, sandtrap._ Perfect.

In every other situation, Jim would've burned the heart out of him for this question. But not today. He remained silent. "No", he replied shortly. "Please tell me what's going on here! It's getting scary - even for you!" the sniper demanded. 

Jim sat down on the bed - sighing- and asked Sebastian to follow him . The man obeyed him without saying any word, still frightened of what will happen next. He didn't know what was going on in the head of the smaller man. There was just the tiny hope it won't end in a catastrophe. Just a few scars more on his body.

"My mother told me I was a heaven's gift while my father, a bloody conservative catholic, called me 'the spawn of Satan'. Matthew and James Isaac, my elder brothers, were completely normal. I wasn't. He demanded her to put me up for adoption, but she ignored him. After she died of cancer, when I was almost 8 years old, my father claimed I was responsible for her death. She needed to pay with her life because she turned against god with her decision to keep the monster - me." Jim told while Sebastian watched him. "All these years I heard nothing else from him. I was a monster, I was Satan's temptation to make him fall. And my brother James wasn't any better. Just my brother Matthew believed in me and loved me, because he was like my mother" 

He never saw the other man being so silent and ... broken. It was like someone else was standing in this room, far away from being a dangerous but intelligent psychopath. What happened in the last days that his behaviour changed into this extreme? "Jim, why are you telling me this? ... I thought you never wanted to speak about it; you always told me you'll kill me if I ever ask you about your past again" Sebastian told him. Jim grabbed his hands and looked deep into his eyes.

"Sebastian ... I am a monster ... a bastard, a thing that never should've lived" Jim's voice trembled. Shaking his head he got up and walked to the big window. Meanwhile, Sebastian was shocked hearing these words out of the month of this man _who killed so many people without any mercy and remorse_ \- he lost count on the number. 

Jim looked out of the window, it was already dawning. "I thought I was able to forget what I am ... I just learned to ignore it, like my past" he sighed. "What? Please tell me what's wrong!", the Sebastian replied, "Talking in riddles doesn't help me. I can't understand it, I'm not that intelligent to read your mind, dear"

_"Monster! Freak" the children yelled at him after they found out the truth. Jim never understood where they knew it from. One of them was Carl Powers; he picked Jim as his favorite victim because the young pale boy didn't have any friends. Nobody was there, only his brother Matthew. He got furious about this. And the hate seed began to grow and reached its bloom in the murder of Powers. Jim stopped him laughing._

The Consulting Criminal swallowed hard. After a long time, he felt something he ignored for so long. _The feeling of fear, being lost._ He tried to fight against it, but this time he wasn't able to win.

The two men stared at each other and remained silent. Until Jim decided to give Sebastian the letter he held in his hand. "What's that?" the sniper wanted to know. "The proof that it's true what I suspected. My body changed. After I excluded every other possibility, any disease, even cancer, and just this one remained I decided to make that test " Sebastian didn't understand it. "What test?"

**"Sebastian ... a pregnancy test. And the result was positive. I am pregnant"**

When Sebastian finally realized the words he began to stare at Jim in shock. This ... it can't be true! Jim was lying to him! "Wait ... what?!" was the only thing he managed to get out. "You are right - I'm expecting a child"

Sebastian began to think about ... he has seen and has heard so many things in his life, but this statement was too much for his mind. Too difficult to understand. It was against all natural logic. Jim was a full man, outside - Sebastian was sure about the fact how much Jim enjoyed nailing him to the mattress. So, how was it possible?

Minutes passed until Sebastian had enough courage to ask one question. "Jim, how you were able to get pregnant?" The smaller man shook his head. "If I explain everything I know you will go for sure. Because I lied to you, for years. Just in short; I am a biological sensation" Not a very helpful answer for the sniper.

"So ... how long?" Sebastian wanted to know. Jim sighed again. "Two months"

While frowning Sebastian looked at the letter he held in his hand. Much medical information - he didn't really understand nor he cared - and after all this palaver the one sentence, bold letters, not easy to skip. He read it again and again until he finally realized this one fact was the truth, no matter how irrational it seemed:

**James Moriarty, the most dangerous criminal in the present and a psychopath like no other, was expecting. A little human being with a beating heart was growing inside of him.**

This should've never happened. "Jim ... who will be the father?" The Consulting Criminal looked at him. "You know who it will be" he whispered. Sebastian knew who it only could be. Nobody else than his personal sniper and bodyguard was allowed to touch him. Jim got up and looked into the mirror again.

 _Would he ever be able to raise this child? With his past, and in his current situation?_ He wasn't just 'the Napoleon of Crime'. He was afraid about his personality. _What if he gets angry about anything, will he have enough control over himself not to hurt this little human being? How should he tell someone this child was born by a man, by nature's monster?_ All these questions scared him. 

"I should end this drama before it seriously begins ..." he whispered. Controlled by strange force his hand reached for Sebastian's knife on the nightstand. _Just one stab with it and everything would be alright ... no child ... no responsibility ... no need to explain anything ... _"Jim, are you nuts?!" Sebastian shouted when he realized what the younger man was going to do. He jumped forward to get the knife and accidently caught the blade.__

__"Fuck ..." Sebastian yelled, watching as the blood runs from his hand. Jim trembled. "Don't panic, I was hurt much worse in Afghanistan" He took off his Shirt and wound it round his hand. Jim stared at him, still panicky, and closed his eyes. Sebastian shouldn't see his tears. _What have I done again ...__ _

__"Sebastian ..." His voice trembled with every letter of the name. "You don't wanna be the father of a monster's child" The sniper rolled his eyes. "Why not?" he said, "Why do you keep saying that you're a monster? Just because your stupid impregnator did? Stop it, Jim. You are not a monster, not more or less than any other human. You are not ordinary, that's all. You are a wonder"_ _

__"But ..." The criminal wanted to disagree, but his lover cut him off. "No, you are my treasure" Carefully Sebastian got on his knees and stroke with his warm hand carefully across Jim's belly. "I want you to get this child. It will be our own flesh and blood, our spawn, our heritage" While smiling he pressed a kiss against the pale skin. "The child of the world's most dangerous criminal in the world and the best sniper of Germany" Jim sighed, but he couldn't anything, Sebastian put his arms around him._ _

__The sniper's warmth made him calming down. With a smile on his face he closed his eyes, just to enjoy this moment._ _

__Sebastian looked at him. He was still surprised about Jim, the man was acting like a completely different person, vulnerable and broken. _Probably the true face of Jim Moriarty_ , he thought, _and not the role he used to play.__ _

__Honestly, Sebastian was proud. Proud to be able of loving this unique man. After this confession much more than before. He once believed in the picture of the bloody insane psychopath Jim made up for Holmes. But now? It was this truth he needed, _this fragile man beneath the surface_ , as a proof to lock up the little Irish man into his heart. _ _

__"Jim ..." Sebastian stood up and, with a smile, he kissed his temple. "... I love you" Sebastian leaned his forehead against Jim's head. "... and our little precious baby. It's our perfection, think of all the abilities it'll get" Jim raised an eyebrow. "Really?" - "Our little black flower's blossom, a heaven's gift"_ _

__The following kiss was much more tender than anyone of them before. "Tomorrow you'll be the old, snappy ass again, won't you? For those stupid idiots around us. They don't need to know about our little secret" Jim began to laugh. "Yes, I will"_ _


End file.
